Between Times

I apologize for the lack of communication here & elsewhere. I have become disenchanted (of late) with cryptic messages, wordplay & related subjects; this is not so good for a writer, especially for a poet (on several deadlines yet). In "real life" however, certain literary techniques can be maddening & even heartbreaking. I'm definitely not being coy; there's no earthshaking news to relay here. Not now. 

Between times that I am here or with you on Twitter or Facebook or Gchat or Skype, know that I carry your heart with me. Always. (It also seems that I have become a saccharine, lachrymose mess. I want to delete the above & say "look, shiny object!" but I won't. For once.) I regret that I cannot take comments these last months; I will think on doing so again in the new year - if I continue.

Lately, I have been:

...losing weight. 

...re-reading this over & over & over...

... campaigning. Which is really difficult for a shy person but I feel strongly, desperately even. 

... braiding my hair again.

...thinking so much of France, especially Strasbourg. I want to run away.

...thinking of many people but especially today I am thinking of Emily,  her father's shocking sudden death this summer & a promise kept - a trip to Venice. Read on.

(Between Times by Melanie Rodriguez; her entire portfolio, here)

Butterflies

I have them (butterflies) & then I saw these lovely photographs by Emmanuelle Brisson (via My Modern Met). Make of that what you will. I hadn't intended to post so soon, especially as I'm undecided about the direction I should take. Perhaps I should just finish the year out with monthly postings & decide in January. I've received some emails & messages that comments are turned off & so how should anyone contact me. Um, like that:) I'll return those messages by week's end. Sorry for the delay. It's me, not you.

xo/Susan

(photograph by Emmanuelle Brisson)

Get Off of My Cloud

Thursday, 27 Jan 2011 Update - Due to massive snowstorm, Julie & I decamped to an undisclosed location. Will post winter break news after we dig out. xo/S.

Tuesday, 1 Feb 2011 Update - We're still not home. More ice on the way. Go watch Egypt (& Tunisia) news...more important than us:)

What to do about: spammers, hacking attempts, people in the followers list who are suspicious, maybe enable the follower gadget, it's just a mess. So creeps, in my best Mick Jagger sneer - Hey you, get off of my cloud.

On a more pleasant note...for sheer delight, check out Jeff Bridges's great website. Any admirer knows that he draws, loves his Widelux camera, & plays music. He's much more than that, though. He's a spokesperson (& co-founder in 1983) of the End Hunger Network. Read all the way down that link about his thoughts on how charities alone cannot end hunger. The series American Masters recently broadcast The Dude Abides about guess who & it was super.

I'm new to Indecision Forever, a site run by the entertaining wackos at The Daily Show. If you will be watching the State of the Union Speech tonight (SOTU to us wonks), you might want to check in over there. I'm weary of the post-mortems. Wait, you say. It hasn't been delivered yet! I know, dear. You must not know that speeches are dissected before they're given nowadays.

Out I creep into the freezing apt. to heat up some soup & run back into the bedroom. Julie is asleep after playing with my braid & taking off my sleep mask about 5,000 times last night. OK, about 100 times. I'll be back to post a suitable photograph (s) for the break.

La Luce della Luna {Moonstones}

Adularescence is an optical phenomenon, similar to labradorescence and aventurescence, produced most notably by moonstones. Adularescence is also commonly referred to as schiller or shiller. The effect is best described as a milky, bluish lustre or glow originating from below the surface of the gemstone. The schiller, appearing to move as the stone is turned (or as the light source is moved), gives the impression of lunar light floating on water (accounting for moonstone's name). Though white schiller is the most common, in rarer specimens, orange or blue lustres are produced. --quite by accident I happened upon this...it's punny, but not necessarily funny.--Wikipedia, moonstone gem

There's still a full moon. Looking at a pair of moonstone earrings--with the blue cast--on the desk.

Having a bit of a freak-out by the (to me) overwhelming interest on Facebook...I haven't known these people--save for one or two--in a million years. I lived a different life than they did in Strasbourg (& elsewhere, & since). Not better but so different. Or maybe it's just that I arrived in Strasbourg with a different background & future agenda. I was not innocent or naive, I was fleeing a very difficult family situation in America. Posted cassette tapes, bicycle-delivered telegrams, & even a few phone calls made it clear that I would not escape. I returned to try & fix it as requested. It did not work. I am so sorry that I moved back.

I cannot be the only one who feels this way. Yet, I do not want to offend & really, this could be a positive turn of events. A lot has happened to everyone, I know. I don't discount it. My list, though, elicits near disbelief in people who were here for it, one by one, incident by incident. Also, what kind of judgment will be made about me & my life.

I have looked--off & on for some years--for a person who would understand. It was my fault that we lost touch. By the time I responded to what turned out to be our last letter, it was too late. All the return addresses from a few years of correspondence (from Beirut, France, England, Spain, Costa Rica) were dead-ends & I cannot find her married surname. I'm not an obsessive but in the last 2-3 days this lost friend has become more important. She used to say 'old bean' & take me for tarte aux framboise near Place Kléber when I had no money & I do mean NO money. She was wise about these boy-men. She let me use her Fidji perfume. Pamela, I hope you are in good health, happy, & writing witty letters. Those lucky recipients.

Maybe my boundaries are too strict lately, but others' feel far too fluid--as things stand now. I am not rejecting people outright. Give me a little time please. [I will endeavor to make this more coherent but I needed to post it more quickly than I'd anticipated.]

Update Monday, 1.32pm - I should make it clear, I have some 'esplaining to do. I'm not anti-FB. Someone who means very well got very excited because he's new to it. If not for FB, I would not have reconnected with several people. We were looking for the other for years...& I have very good research skills.

Oh, maybe I'll scoop a bunch of this out & wait. Right now, I have a bunch of FB msgs to look at. I hope they're not mad at me. Let me also be clear that I contacted the person in question & sent him a msg about my distress--most of which has to do with me, not them--before I posted above. It was not a passive-aggressive act, which I loathe......

(photo via Rachel Follett on pinterest, via automatism)

In Moments of Quiet

“Now, it isn’t that I don’t like you, Susan because after all, in moments of quiet, I’m strangely drawn towards you… but there haven’t been any quiet moments.” -Cary Grant as Dr. David Huxley, Bringing Up Baby, 1938

Several boyfriends know just how Cary feels. (They're still my friends, though. I think that speaks well of me. And Julie is nothing like that naughty Baby.) Only Cary could look handsome wearing Kate Hepburn's clothes.

I had photographs of people running, but nothing quite does it today. I'm running only in my mind. I was an unofficial cop (again!) on Saturday, feeling tottery, & in clothes not fit to be seen - maybe even by Julie the Cat. I stayed up too late rereading Enduring Love because Marie-Laure at AUREA is reading it & I wanted to discuss it with someone. This completely undid the relaxation of re-watching Annie Hall.

And (her voice rising), I'm being tempted by a friend: Do you want your birthday gift on Wednesday or on your birthday? Oh no. Decisions. Could you resist this? "I battled Huns, Goths, Mongols, Vikings, Zulus, Picts, and Celts...at...to...obtain.."

So, I'm posting dumber stuff than usual for a week if you want to skip checking in. I need to maintain a schedule & this is why I'm not 'gone fishing'. As always, there are good links here & on Giulia Geranium. I've seen so many good posts today & over the weekend that if I link to them, the feedburner thingy will blow up both blogs.

(But I recommend checking out the Truthiness Rally - or Operation Strike of Truthiness--this is a fluid story-- by Stephen Colbert fans. It really does help to laugh. Aussie & European friends, it really is funny & not just American. Friends in Turkey & elsewhere who can't understand English, if you're translating this, facial expressions are funny, too. As evidenced by the film stills above.)

Cheers & I'll do better tomorrow. Really.

[photograph via many tumblrs, here]

Atonement

"Was everyone else really as alive as she was? For example, did her sister really matter to herself, was she as valuable to herself as Briony was? Was being Cecilia just as vivid an affair as being Briony? Did her sister also have a real self concealed behind a breaking wave, and did she spend time thinking about it, with a finger held up to her face? Did everybody, including her father, Betty, Hardman? If the answer was yes, then the world, the social world, was unbearably complicated, with two billion voices, and everyone’s thoughts striving in equal importance and everyone’s claim on life as intense, and everyone thinking they were unique, when no-one was." --From Atonement, by Ian McEwan

Some pretty photographs for the next few days & I hope they will divert bizarre people away from my blogs. I'm being comment-spammed like mad. Found out last evening that my mailing address has been changed (for some things, not sure of extent yet) & much is missing.

I do not apologize for one single thing I have said or written (or thought) the last several days & weeks here...certainly I have much to atone for in my life. But my crime of late, if anything, is silliness. Which never killed anyone. Unless they died laughing. If I die laughing, many years from now (!), I shall be grateful.

I shall respond to your lovely comments & emails. Soon. Difficult week (more than usual) ahead. Cheers, everyone.

[Atonement stills by Alex Bailey - the "happy ending" Briony, in her guilt, her atonement, granted to Cecilia & Robbie. I just reread the novel.]

Life Creeps Up

However smart we may be, however rich and clever or loving or charitable or spiritual or impeccable, it doesn't help us at all. The real power comes in to us from the beyond. Life creeps up behind, where we are sightless, and from below, where we do not understand. -D.H. Lawrence

Life creeps up & so does bang (fringe) creepage. It will take all my will & strength to make it across town to cure this unacceptable state of hair-affairs. It's a welcome gray, cool day here today. Don't agree (entirely) with the Lawrence quote, but it's how life feels nowadays.

[photograph by Amanda Mason/all rights reserved/via Audrey Hepburn Complex tumblr]

Can't Find My Way Home

Steve Winwood. Someone asked me yesterday who I'd seen in concert the most times. I answered quickly, Bruce Springsteen. The first time in a union hall (yes) when I was very young. On my way home today, arriving here only due to an end-of-the-line train & muscle memory, I realized the borrowed-indefinitely-iPod (but the music is mine) was playing over & over & over Blind Faith's original version of above. SW's membership in several groups at such an early age & the fact that I went to concerts (alone if necessary) when I was quite a baby face, too, means it was Steve I saw in concert more than any other person. (Well, it matters to me. I don't know why.)

I decided to see what Steve was up to. Well, well. A new BBC Documentary & Concert was announced recently & it will be on tomorrow night. Jealous North Americans have been assured that a video stream is in the works. The excellent SW official site, & a bit blurry but good video shot by a guy at the Academy of Music in Milan in 2008. It was meant to be.

[images via www.stevewinwood.com]

Bloomsday Wedding

In your pink wool knitted dress / Before anything had smudged anything / You stood at the altar. Bloomsday--Ted Hughes

I've been writing a remembrance of the only Molly Bloom (to me), Siobhán McKenna. Difficult to edit in time, though, & I want to post a photograph. So I thought, yes, well this will do nicely--a 54-year anniversary. I don't think of it as a failed marriage, actually. Wanted to link to the Hughes poem but it is not an easy task to find one without the requisite "He killed her" business. Then we get to the matter of photographs; same unsavory stuff. There is not a photograph--or if there is I don't remember & am too lazy to look through my bookshelves. The one that stands in on many websites is actually from a Paris honeymoon, before a Spanish summer (about which Plath wrote vividly in her notebooks, including good sketches/drawings.) This chandelier looks very celebratory out there in what I think of as a meadow, edged with darker woods.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out whether or not to take Julie to the beach overnight (soon). This is a sudden & welcome question & possibility.

[chandelier by Leigh Miller Photography via we heart it ]

On the Phone - Charmed, I'm Sure

I will call, just a moment. Keep repeating to self: Go to the party, you idiot cow. What is wrong with you?" Oh, I should be kinder to self? As in, I never speak to people the way I speak to myself. Right. What could be so scary? You've done this most of your life. Why didn't I read the book beforehand? Shall not pretend to have done so. Shall remain calm in manner of Bridget...oh no, that wasn't charming. Funny, yes. Goal: no funny business (tonight). Especially no unintentional slapstick. No, you absolutely cannot go in nightgown & ballet slippers. Only maniacs, people under 20, & Julian Schnabel wear their pajamas at public events.

Oof.

[images of AH (except AH reading book) via Lia Chang's Backstage Pass blog. A new-to-me scanner/printer sits just where it did more than 2 weeks ago when a friend dropped it off. Of course it does. AH reading book by Mark Shaw; in pjs, by Alfred Eisenstaedt, both via LIFE Archives]

Sleep On It

On a search though it won't be these...& the poem &/or essay is not about safety railings & crib recalls.

A friend (who never comments here) sent an e-mail memo detailing what is wrong with the blog...ahem. She meant well but a bit of advice: if someone hasn't asked for your opinion about a painting, a poem, a song, your new hat, your latest wacky outfit, etc...stifle yourself. I know that's supposed to be a bad thing, but I don't think so. People have blogs for different reasons. I've been quite clear about mine. (And I am looking for a new bed frame, so this is fun. A lot of white rooms but I'm not feeling that tonight. Next week.)

Off to gardens tomorrow with Maria Caterina di Perugia. The only thing is, I find very few lovely straight (single) men go to these gardens. Well, it'll keep my mind on the David Austin rose collection. (Sob.)

[photographs via here, here, here, & here]

Week's End - Docking & Mooring

I just lost an argument with a cat & feel ridiculous. (I could almost blast off like a rocket--so it really is about evil news abroad in the world. Julie & I see eye to eye on politics--that's a condition for living in this apartment. Otherwise, she'd kick me out.) Having returned from a lovely outing, I was going to post on it. But someone is not cooperating.

I have a new hat (a gift! I am a hat person) & coral geraniums for my window box. I'll have someone take a photograph over the weekend; perhaps with me in it (the hat, not the geraniums--I can't wear coral though I do love it). Part of me would rather walk across hot coals than post a clear photograph. Too many taken in a lifetime can make one camera-shy...I wouldn't have thought it. (No, I didn't ask Julie to take a photograph; merely asked her to sit still for two seconds (!) as part of a genius somewhat-still life. Have a great Friday/Saturday wherever you find yourself. [Rings bokeh by talented & generous Olga]

Souci(s)

The Clever Pup beat me fair & square to a shared thought/quote, here's another one (well, a word anyway). See? No rants, no drama. It's early in the day, though. [photographs from here & here, via we heart it]

Face the World

No, not now. (I have 5 days of unread WPosts & NYTimes...that is unheard of.) I'm down for the count; along with Julie. (Yes, again, I"m sorrier & more disappointed than I can say without a whine-fest.) Back to bed with books, newspapers, & of course My Cinnamon Bun. Because later, being one person, marketing must be done. If it comes to it, then delivery order. And if possible, holding a pad & pen in hand...or reporter's micro-recorder. That would be a small but essential victory.

Have a whatever kind of day you wish for, mes amies. Go for it. Then come tell me all about it. (Don't forget about The Plum Plum, it's so worth it. That's what I'm using for short bits/planning lately. It helps. Beauty always does--the real kind, not the artificial/fake.)

Tuesday a.m. update: I hope to be back here tonight or tomorrow morning. Trying to update Giulia G. blog as there's an important event this weekend in DC/Silver Spring. Shall try to drag self to meeting up the street this evening. Here's the link to The Human Rights Festival (up the street...this weekend. Why, it seemed only yesterday that this was a twinkle in a local Amnesty member's eye...). Please pass the word if you are in or near or know people in the area. There's also a Facebook Fan page, here. Thanks, so much!

[photograph by motley photos via we heart it]

Week's End - Beneath the Sun

When you see me
Fly away without you
Shadow on the things you know
Feathers fall around you
And show you the way to go
It's over, it's over.-Birds, After the Gold Rush

Yes, I will stop with the songs & photographs that don't seem to go at all. Soon. It's a self-imposed pressure. And another gust of wind (metaphorically) just about blew me over. Back with silliness (I hope) on the weekend.

[Beautiful photograph by English writer/photographer Susannah Conway. Visit her at Ink on My Fingers.]

Walking the Old City

In Jerusalem, and I mean within the ancient walls,

I walk from one epoch to another without a memory

to guide me...-by Mahmoud Darwish

[photograph via we heart it, unattributed from an unidentified tumblr acct. Let me know if it's yours; I'd love a dove hair ornament]

Felinity in Black & White & Color

Writing in heated exile (no not in Hell, you devils). Complicated feelings & I feel some essays (at least one) coming on; a pile of poems to revise. One new one. I couldn't do without Julie, that's for sure. The fuzzy photograph was an attempt to use the new laptop's web camera before we lost all power (& heat). The four-legged redhead has mostly regained her high spirits; however, she has refused a request to hop off the bed for a re-shoot. I don't blame her.

High winds still, maybe some more snow in a day or so. Not thinking about it now. I hope we can go home on the weekend. Our hosts have been great & I've tried to repay in tulips & two dinners cooked (so far). Also I created a little pop art installation of retro mini Coke bottles with pink baby carnations & green button mums (culled from otherwise dead bouquets). All in a row, on a windowsill. It seems to have gone over fairly well.

[Dr. Zhivago still by Ken Danvers, photographer for David Lean's film via BFI.uk.org/Catherine Deneuve & Coke bottle via LIFE archives/ridiculous webshot of GG et moi via a Toshiba laptop. The Italian book collage is from a scan I did for Giulia Geranium. Maria Caterina di Perugia gave the book to me on one trip back to the States. Now that we are staying at her house, I thought it would look cute over here. Maybe I've posted it before, we'll see what pops up.]

Ready or Not

Pack lightly we move so fast --It's a Young Country from World Hotel

The year, the decade begins without a header, a coherent design, etc., as I promised myself last year. Couldn't find the photographs I wanted (what else is new?) for a most amusing -- OK, to me it would be amusing -- post. But I liked this photograph from worldislandphoto's flickr stream (unattributed photographer) a few days ago. Thanks so much to everyone who has left comments &/or emailed the last year & a half (some for GG's blog). I can't take comments on GG but some of you have discovered that you can comment on the Facebook link there. I actually didn't realize that I'd successfully linked it until fairly recently. Yes, I blundered into it. This is perhaps an example of "happy accidents" to which The Clever Pup refers.

Happy New Year to all.

I'm Looking Through You

You don't look different, but you have changed...

I just typed a whole bunch of words & poof. All gone. I've decided to take it as a sign. Just don't want to keep seeing that glowing red poppy at the top of the page. It's reminding me of too many things (that are not good). Off to swim & perhaps to change. The cat photo business has got to stop; Julie has a blog of her own. Please visit it & find out about IKEA's Soft Toy Animal campaign.

There were words to go with necklaces, boots, dresses, & so forth. Leaving the photos in anyway. Still can't believe I did that...

[photographs via we heart it. Two of the feeds are messed up & give error messages when I tried to visit the original site. So the cat is by scarlipop/tumbler, the others are pearls & tea/tumblr, & Ped Shoes ]

Time, Timing

Time stays long enough for those who use it. --Leonardo da Vinci

That know-it-all.

[lovely & timely photographs by Aimee Ketsdever at deviant art; thelovelyexile/tumbler, & etreh - all via we heart it]